Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
