did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize