I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
