He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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