I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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