just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
