Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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