I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
