i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize