ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
