She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
