he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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