watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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