I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
