My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
