Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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