Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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