We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
