Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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