do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
