I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
