It was confusing and full of hummus
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
