He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize