So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
