There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
