If i come over, it means nothing
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
