I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
