so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
