people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize