): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
