Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
People in love make me want to vomit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
