You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
