I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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