Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
