Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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