um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
