i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
