i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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