I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize