Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
