Four minutes until I can fart!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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