Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
