I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
