You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
