I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
