this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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