would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
