so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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