She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
