And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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