piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
