Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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