My nipple is on Facebook.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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