Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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