my sisters under your porch take her home
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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