It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
