i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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