hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
