Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
