Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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