Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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