I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
