Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
