My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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