so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love accidental penises.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize