It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
