it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
