Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
