:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
