i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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