Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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